The Secret Life of the American Teenager

ABC Family's new drama, "The Secret Life of the American Teenager", premiered Tuesday night. I wasn't expecting anything good so I turned to the channel not really caring what I saw. Well, good thing I did because this show is so bad it's good. The main storyline centers around a 15 year old girl who gets pregnant at band camp. In this first episode she told her friends she was pregnant and went to the doctor. Other American teenagers at her school have their own stories. There's the nerd who's not really a nerd who loves the pregnant girl. The Christian girl who won't have sex with her Christian boyfriend until marriage. Of course, he wants to have sex so he calls up the school's resident ho, Adrien, who is kind of going out with Ricky (Daren Kagasoff), the band camp guy who impregnated the nice girl. Also, Molly Ringwald plays nice pregnant girl's mom. Almost every scene ended up talking about sex, and the dinner time scene with nice girl, her sister, mom, and dad was so forced and moralistic...loved it. The dad was lecturing nice girl's younger sister about her clothing and he ended up lecturing about sex and Molly Ringwald just said "Listen to your father" (great contribution to the group Molly!). Then nice girl's sister stands up and is wearing a belly shirt, and it was one of those come on moments. Also, nice girl's sister's line delivery is so flat and monotone...genius. Then Molly Ringwald asks, "Honey are you alright' and nice girl says what everyone says whenever asked that question on a TV show: "I'm just tired." WHAT!!! WHAT!! You are way more than tired sweetheart. Another superb scene was the one with nice pregnant girl and her friends in the bathroom with the pregnancy tests. Nice girl says "Life stinks." then her friend says "That's funny cause we're in a bathroom". I have no words. So then nerd is asking the new guidance counselor if he can join band so he can sex nice girl basically, and then he's like "Can I have a condom?" WHAT!!! Then, Ricky, band camp impregnater and resident man ho, is flirting with Christian girl, Adrien, and nice girl and I was like WHAT...i love you. He's my fave character also because he sees a psychiatrist for his sexual craziness. This guy is 15! How is he with all these women? Then it turns out he was sexually abused as a child. I think my favorite character is Adrien, the ho of the school. She is just so unbelievably outright suggestive. She bites an apple really seductively as she talks to Christian boy (subtle). Then, she's all sucking his face, outside the church dance, and Grace's (Christian girl) mentally retarded brother sees them, yells Grace, and everyone comes running out except for nice pregnant girl and the nerd who are still dancing because they are in love. Also, the girl who plays pregnant girl has the same expression on her face the whole time. One more ting: one of pregnant girls super smart friends is all like: "Why don't you go out with the nerd and have sex with him then, tell him you're pregnant and you could get married?" Brilliant! Way to go! I officially love this show and how ridiculously bad it is. Morals much?

Daren Kagasoff (Ricky) below